Aggressive Driving

I love San Diego. I do. It's awesome. I just wish there was less driving involved. And I wish the drivers weren't total DB's.

San Diego has turned me into an aggressive driver. The purpose of my various drives is less about getting from A to B and more about who's going to get taught a lesson today.

Here's what you can expect from me on the road:

If you cut me off, I will tailgate you. If it's night, I'll turn on my brights "accidentally" for a minute. Please do not ever cut me off again.

If you unnecessarily ride my ass in a one lane situation, I sure will go 5-7 miles slower than the speed limit until you are forced to screechingly peel out and turn earlier than you had planned. Do not rush me.

If you try to weave in and out of two lane traffic, I will oscillate between 3 mph slower and 3 mph faster than the person right next to me, frustrating the bajesus out of you. Do not crazy person weave around me.

If you do any of those things while talking on your cell phone, I'll call you in for drunk driving. Whoops.

Cross me, and I will destroy you.